Tata went to school on Monday April 2, 2012 and she never came back. I woke up that morning feeling eerie and strange but couldn’t understand why.
At mid-morning my sister in-law called me from out of state to check on me after hearing about a shooting at a University in Oakland. I quickly checked online and saw the news flash. I had never heard of the school before neither did I believe I knew anyone who attended there. I said a silent prayer but I had no idea that I would soon be struck by grief. A few hours later, I got a call from a mutual friend telling me that Tata was among the 7 victims of the University shooting. I knew she was rounding up her nursing program but I didn’t know the name of the school or much about the school. I went into shock. I began crying uncontrollably. “NO! NO! NO! I did not want to believe this. I was told that she had been rushed to the hospital. I gathered myself and was able to drive with tear stained eyes to the hospital, hoping it was a big mistake. When I got to the hospital, I had no idea what to do. I went to the information desk and gave the person at the desk Tata’s information and he couldn’t find her anywhere in the system. When no information was forthcoming, I called Tata’s husband. He told me that he too had been at the hospital and they wouldn’t give him much information. He was now home and he sounded defeated and in shock.
As I pulled over to their house, I saw a familiar eerie scene. Cars parked everywhere, similar to what happened when my husband had passed a few years ago. My heart sank. As I saw Tata’s husband, I couldn’t hold the tears. I hugged him as I fought to hold back the tears. How could this happen? I mean, how could it be? I saw her children, all four of them. How is this possible? My heart started to split into a million pieces. I sat next to the friend who had called me to inform about the tragedy. We held hands and prayed. We prayed an innocent prayer. We pleaded with God for it to be all a mistake.
I remembered how hard it was to survive the loss of my husband. I remember how hard it was to pick up the pieces and take care of my young children. My younger son was the same age as Tata’s youngest baby when his father died. He told me the other day, “I can’t even remember how my daddy looked like, I was so small” It hurt me because he hears all these amazing things about his dad but doesn’t have a memory of his own. I imagined the two younger children would feel the way he does when they get older. Children form stronger memories as they develop their speech and recognition abilities, sometime after the age of five. At times they may remember certain traumatic events that happened earlier but it is not the norm.
By the third day, I realized that Tata was never coming home and that gun violence had hit very close to home. Tata’s untimely and violent passing would not be in vain.
I recalled how I first met Tata. It was about 10 years ago. Tata’s husband and my late husband had been friends and would always chat at my late hubby’s store or at my house until late. I became close to her husband when I was pregnant with my first born. We worked at the same telecommunications company and we had a few friends and co-workers in common. He was someone I could confide in and I was looking forward to meeting his wife when she migrated to the United States and I prayed that I would click with her so that our friendship would be even stronger. We bonded instantly.
Tata was a great mother figure to her step daughter. I know at first it was an adjustment but seeing that beautiful teenager blossom now, I can say for a fact that Tata made an incredible impact on her life. We were there when she gave birth to their first baby girl and about the time of the second born, my hubby took ill with cancer. It was a very devastating time for me. I lost myself in taking care of him and praying for the best outcome. Tata was among the few friends who stayed steadfast in prayer and encouraged me. I even remember her telling me once of a near death experience she had. She had been very ill and while she lay in bed, she felt herself floating and was able to see everything happening to her. God decided it wasn’t her time and I thank God I was able to make a deep connection with a soul like hers. Thank God for a second chance and for her to be able to live through her children. .
After my husband survived the transplant, recovery was hard. It had been an 18 month ordeal most of which I was in a zombie-like state. We had a celebration of his first year post transplant and shortly after, he had a relapse and passed on. I was devastated. Tata was there for me. She cried with me and for me. She would call often even though she wasn’t much of a phone person. She would come find me and she would encourage me.
In the past few years, we didn’t see each other or talk on the phone as much as we did before, but our love for each other never waned. So much had changed. My life had taken a dramatic turn and she became busier with another newborn and taking classes to prepare for her nursing program. I know she had quite a few friends but each person had a unique and personal relationship with Tata. I saw Tata last a few months ago at a party and we planned on seeing each other again but her schedule was so busy we tried to reschedule a few times. I didn’t see Tata alive again. Her last email to me was about 2 weeks before she passed. It was titled, “God is never wrong” It was one of those emails with stories and a moral lesson. I read it and marked it to come back to it so I could read it on my computer and respond. It was addressed to her hubby and I. After she passed, I wondered about the title. Could God have wanted Tata to pass in such a tragic way? What was the lesson for us? In the news, it was reported that she ran outside after she was shot. She wanted to live. To live to see her hubby and her beautiful girls. She collapsed on the sidewalk and somewhere between there and the hospital, she was pronounced dead. It was as though, she was torn from our lives. Stolen. Taken. Gone!!!
I miss you Tata. I pray for your hubby. I know what it feels like to wake up in the middle of the night when no one else is there and the love of your life is not there to hold or whisper into his/her ear. To embrace him/her through the night. To kiss and make up for a silly fight or to talk about your future dreams and goals. I know. I know what it’s like to look into the eyes of your children and see your spouse in them and wish so badly that it is a bad dream and that you wake up quickly from it. I know what it is like to faintly hear the voice and laughter of your love but you look around and he/she is not there. I know what it is like to be mother and father to young children and still try to be strong myself. I pray that God will wrap His loving arms around your family and protect them. I pray for the peace that passes all human understanding to abide with them. I know your death will not be in vain. The life you lived is one to be celebrated. Rest in peace my dear friend. You are now one of our heavenly angels.
To SUPPORT THE CHIBUKO FAMILY PLEASE GO TO www.dorischibuko.com and follow the links to donate. you can also mail your donation to:
Doris Chibuko Trust Fund
P.O. Box 3140, San Leandro, CA 94578
or deposit: Bank of America
Acct. Name: Trust Fund of Doris Chibuko
Account # 0149648328
Routing is 121000358
Wires: 026009593
A special Serice will be held for Doris “Tata” Chibuko on Saturday April 28, 2012 @ 6pm ILWU Local 6 Hall at #99 Hegenberger Road. Oakland, CA 94621
If you are local and can attend, please join us and be prompt.
Thank you for your support.
We must all do whatever we can to fight gun violence. Please get involved in your own community – we can fight gun violence, one community at a time. What affects one of us, affects all of us.
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QueenKay,
Beautiful writeup. You really kept her story alive. I wish her family Godspeed. “from him we came and unto Him we shall return” Thanks.
Thank you Sir. Such a tragedy. She will never be forgotten. Please share and I hope folks can support with prayers, encouragement and donations to the family.
May her soul rest in perfect peace. I don’t know her but no one deserves to die like this, I don’t really understand peoples facination with gun it does matter what you are using it for. Please heavenly father give the hubby the courage and strength to move on for the sake of the kids.
Thank you Angie. I know that prayers and encouragement go a long way. Please share the link on your networks. God bless you Sis.
May her gentle soul rest in peace with the Lord. May the good Lord give her husband and kids the strenght, and fortitude to go on with life inspite of the irreparable loss.
Amen and thank you. Please share the info so others can pray and support in any way they can. God bless you and yours.
Girl, I feel it, I hear it in your writing. All I can say at this point, I am glad it is not me. I lost my youngest brother as a result of gun violence. I don’t feel it as much as my mother for obvious reasons. My brother and I fought a lot and at the point it happened we spoke very little. In fact, we did not speak at all. I was tired of his “stuff” and as you will might know sometimes you have to let people go just like things when you are trying to move forward. He was my brother but I had enough.
He got shot 8 times in NE DC from being in a place and with people he should not have been with. The sad part is, he was supposed to be with friends. The guy who shot him he did not know. The so call “friends” got so scared because they apparently did not know the guy had a gun and they all left my brother for dead. The friend who had invited him to join the group for a supposedly birthday celebration got a guilty conscience and call 911. They came, found him, took him to the hospital. He survived but was a paraplegic as a result.
It is a long story. In the end, as a result of the wounds which he healed from, he developed an infection in one. He was operated and on. The day his fiancée went to pick him up, left him with the nurse to go bring the car around the front, the nurse left him in a wheel chair to go do God knows what and he had a blood clot that went to his lungs and killed him on the spot. We ended up suing the hospital for malpractice. They did not put him on blood thinners.
The sad part is, my brother was extremely knowledgeable in the medical world and knew he was supposed to be on that drug. We have no idea why he allowed them not to prescribe the drug for him. While he showed every outward sign of wanting to live, I think inwardly he realized or may have decided he did not want to live as a paraplegic.
Of course, when I read your e-mail, it brought back all those memories. So, I won’t say I know exactly how you feel but I have an idea. Life happens to the best of us. Sometimes when I hear some of the stories, I ask myself and the power above, why? Because it just seems like “good” people are taken away and you just don’t understand why. My only consolation is death is inevitable for all of us. It is therefore incumbent that we/I live my best life now because I know not the hour. I also try to be on in good stead with my relationships. Because after my brother died, I realized if God did not give us the three months after he was shot for us to make amends, my life would have been horrible living knowing he went to his grave with us not speaking. He apologized profusely and consistently for his behavior over the years. Thanked me for all I had done because I truly felt I had spent my life trying to help and provide positive guidance and role modeling for him. My brother and I had the best relationship those last three months. We had the type of conversations that we should have been having all our lives. It was beautiful.
It is because of those three months, I look at his picture every day and feel he is alive just not physically here and I can live life to my fullest.
Best,
Denise
An angel indeed. She will be greatly missed and never to be forgotten. i guess heaven was in need of a hero
May she rest in peace. Tata i didn’t know you, but i feel very close to you, i feel sadened by your death. As you smile from the heavens we will stay strong for u.
May god allow you in his kingdom with open arms.
Rest in peace sis.
Thank you Aly for this beautiful prayer. I know her family will be touched by it. She truly was an amazing being. It is still shocking to me that we are speaking of her in the past tense. I don’t want to get used to my loved ones passing but in life, especially as I get older, I am seeing that death is very much a part of life. God bless you Aly.
This is so sad. I weep for Doris and weep for the husband and children. May her soul find peace.
Thank you Vivian. God bless you for your thoughts and prayers.
GUOSA LANGUAGE:
Doris O Rinje. O feja ‘wa nasi wuta: iyobi shokpa keti ng gosin e mizo si tara. Mani ‘rinje yin yaji juka ichegbon ‘wa, o feja ‘wa kia-kia, fri-fre icherisi rama nasi iyobi ai wen o soli. Sonsho eni che I shana bika yin lo kanbo husi nasi yin nasi O Gidi Abasi na ilailai. Simini n’irayo siti ngba ijinde na Jesu Kristi Chiolu ‘wa, Aashe.
ENGLISH TRANSLATION:
Doris the passing star. You passed us by with the light: a caring heart to lead others to the stars above. But because your traveling was fast beyond our wisdom, so you passed on so quickly, leaving sweet memories but shattered dreams in our lonely hearts. Only those who aspire to shine like you may be with you, as you shine above with the Lord God Almighty eternally. Rest in perfect peace until the resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.
ALEX G. IGBINEWEKA,
Guosa Language Evolutionist, Inventor & Researcher
A Nigerian and West African (ECOWAS ) Common Indigenous Future Lingua Franca for Unity & Identity
http://www.k2gs.com/guosa.html
http://www.youtube.com/user/guosalanguagetv1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUgizzKoMFM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7eQFf4io3U http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gatXPYBzx9Q http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnaXYRPZySw http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nW8LjlLo7fc
Well said Uncle Alex. You have been a stronghold in the community and beyond and your support of the family will go a long way. In your time of need may you never lack support. Be blessed.
Kay Kay
I do not know Tata but when I read your write up, I became one of the family member. I am also very shocked and sad to loose someone at a young age especially with kids. That’s how I felt when your husband died and left those two beautiful kids. My prayers to the family and hope the community will come together in their needs. Rest in Peace
Shabbir Jiwa- Travel For Less
My brother and friend Shabbir:
Truly a very sad situation. We thank God for all you do to support our community. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Be blessed.
Thanks for “pouring it out”, QueenKay. Whatever that affects the nose, equally affects the eyes, and the total-body functionality. The Chibuko’s grief, is our community’s grief!
May we constantly uphold the family in our prayers, trusting that God will grant her soul eternal repose, and give the family, the strength to bear the irrepairable loss, and the courage cum direction, to move on.
REST IN PEACE, TATA!!!
Well said my brother! It affects us all and may God bless you and your family. Amen