Beloved:
On Saturday November 17, 2007, I lost you. I never believed it could happen. I guess you could say, I was in denial. I mean, God let it happen, so it must be his will right? I am scarred for life but I am also loved for life. I feel your love following me in everything thing I do. I feel your love when I look into our children’s eyes. I feel your love when I am lost in memory lane. I even feel your love when I am at the store you founded. You gave so much to so many and it is coming back to me in ways I could never have imagined. I only knew you for 10 years and 2 weeks, but you touched my life in a way that made absolute sense. Some ignorant people have said to me, “Enough of the Eulogizing, move on!” I guess they didn’t know you like I knew you. You were so modest that you might even say the same thing. But I am actually enjoying the fact that I had a great example of a wonderful human being, though not perfect, you had so much integrity. You were so real, honest, kind, loving, passionate, loyal and seriously funny. Even if I wanted to forget you, how could I? One look at our boys and I see you, everyday. So tell me how I should erase the memory of you?
It doesn’t mean I am not able to love again, it doesn’t mean another man won’t get my heart. It actually means who ever puts a ring on it, seals the deal, and takes care of the boys like his own, will get a better me. A more spiritually grounded person. A more loving and supportive partner. A more caring and compassionate woman. A more patient and prayerful woman. A thoroughly tried and tested superwoman. One who didn’t know her own strength, one who never knew she could do what I have done. One who people tell her has changed their lives for the better or inspired them to not be victims any more. I never thought I could run the store. Me? No way! But I do. I wake up everyday around 4:30am call in produce, go to the gym, get the boys ready, take them to school and get busy with the day. When I lift boxes as big as 50 or more pounds, I think of what you would say about your “aje butter babe” When I do the stairs at home or the gym to get rid of my stuffed muffin love handles, I imagine you giving me the thumbs up for maintaining my physique & good health. I was never a fitness buff before. Not that I am one now, but at least I am maintaining.
I remember the dream I had a few months ago when you spoke these words to me, “Good job, good job”, and “Thank you, thank you”
Was that God’s way of letting me know you were proud of me? I really did appreciate it. It warmed my heart to see you again, even though in a dream. Ours was true love based on the purest of emotions with no gimmickry or materialism attached to it. We found ourselves in the most profound way and we fought against the odds to be together. We fought against the odds to beat cancer. After your first healing, God gave you some time to “get your house in order” You did. But as we all will some day, you couldn’t beat death. I miss your friendship and I have taken all the advice you gave me. I am a work in progress, constantly evolving.
I thank you for being the wind beneath my wings. I thank you for loving me in spite of my imperfections. I thank you for taking care of me. I thank God for choosing you to be my angel. You are missed but never forgotten.
The boys are doing great as you can see. I am much stronger and wiser now. I was devastated and shaken to the core; God picked me off the floor and told me in more ways than one that it was not over for me. That I have so much work to do. That your legacy will not die because you died. That even though friends deserted me when I needed them the most, He will never leave me nor forsake me. That I will rise again and that I will love again and be loved again. He told me that my future is brighter than my past. He told me that No more will He allow such a tragedy to befall me.
I am ready for my present and my future. Thank you for being a part of my past and helping me build my foundation.
Love Always,
Queenkay
Waooo…Queenkay, never knew about this until now. May God continue to give you the strength to pull through. May he be your guide as you make future decisions. May he continue to provide for you and your children even in the midst of lack. Stay strong and God bless!
Thx my dear bros. I can attest to the fact that I know that God truly doesn’t allow something to happen unless he knows you can bear it. Thank you so much.
May his gentle soul continue to rest in everlasting peace!
…..Amen.
Amen and thank you for your prayers. God bless you.
Reading this brought tears to my eyes. I lost my uncle to a ravaging cancer of the blood several years ago and I am yet to fully heal. Had to throw away the t shirt that was made to mark the occasion. I can’t imagine how you sometimes feel. I know our redeemer lives and will watch over you and the boys. Tell your boys djtunde has 4 girls….. Keep on keeping on Sista……
DJ Tunde! 4 Girls! Wow! We gotta visit this issue o. lol! Thanks for your support and kind words. I am better today than I was 5 years ago. The Sunday morning after his death was the most difficult morning to wake up to. Frankly, I didn’t want to wake up. But This Sunday morning, I wake up to so much more than I knew I could. I have my battle scars but I also have earned my stripes. It is well. God bless you!
wow even though i dont know you personally your tribute moved me to tears. i am a pastor and i have a ministry outreach to very young widows i have 16 of them that i look after with their children and i pray God will continue to keep you and your children. been with those ladies too and seeing what different emotions they had to deal with i salute you and what a fine job you have done with your children, i pray heaven continues to shine on you all. Blessings
Hello Pastor Ruth, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for doing what you do. I appreciate your comments and prayers and I pray God gives you all you need to sustain your ministry and your own well-being. Take care and God bless you.
QK babe; only God knows exactly how you feel and go on everyday. I know God is the source of your strength. One thing I know for sure, God has chosen you to be a testimony to lots of people. You are an inspiration; a loving mom; and one strong beautiful lady. I am always thankful to God anytime I see you. When I go to the store, I am in awe just knowing that you are not alone. God has remained faithful throughout all these years. Thank you for being you, QK.
Thank you Joy. You words are sweet to the soul. God bless you and yours and I truly appreciate your support and prayers over the years. I wish you success in all you do.
Big hug my dear jisike……Woman of Substance!!!!!!!!
awwwwwh.. thx love. God bless you richly
My dear sister it is well,may your husbands’ soul continue to rest in perfect peace,and may the peace of our Lord Jesue Christ continually be with you and your boys and also with the entier family,in Jesus name i pray Amen!!.
Amen and God bless you.
KK, It is well. You know we have your back – always, auntie
Thank you Auntie. God bless you.
QK, Your blessings are still multiplying for the good job you are doing. Emeka though not here but here. The kids and “man must wack store” . The world will not believe the rains of blessings when they arrive. Keep moving on honey, remain blessed.
Thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart. Thanks for your support. God bless you and yours richly!
Dear Queen Kay,
I stumbled across your story on a friends page and it surely brought tears to my eyes. I admire your strength, courage and wisdom. I have experienced death and have learnt that with God in your life, he will definitely pick you up. From your story, i can see he has picked you up and is showing you the way forward. He will never leave you. Take care of yourself and your beautiful boys. God is your strength always. May hubby’s soul continue to rest in peace till you all meet again.
Big Hugs
Wow! It’s amazing the people I have reached as a result of the direction my life has taken these past 5 years. I am grateful that even though I don’t know you, I have connected with you in this medium. May God bless you richly and meet you at the point of your need. Amen.
Hello QK! Trust you are doing great! God bless you and your boys always. A friend gave me this link and asked that I read your story! In her words, she said ‘I thought you will like it, that’s why I said I have to let you see it though it’s very heartbreaking’. And yes, she’s right but it’s nothing strange to me! I’m on the road of reconstructing & retransformation too….it’s been a tough one but would have been impossible if not for God! Husband died after two years of marriage on Nov 21, 2008. Was buried Jan 2009, son turned two Feb ’09 and daughter was born March ’09. It will be 5years next month….I see a different me everyday, no more the naïve and carefree 28yr old I was when this happened. I see a more mature, stronger, wise, independent, brave……woman! Work is still in progress by God but I’m forever grateful to Him! Thank you so much for your encouragement and please be strong! The end of your story will be beautiful!
Amazing! Onyi, your message couldn’t have come at a better time. God bless you. I wish you and your children continued blessings. The truth is, until one has walked in our shoes, they can never really relate. Let’s stay in touch. Feel free to email me at pr@queenkay.com and facebook me at facebook.com/iamqueenkay
God bless you,
Kay